Wednesday, May 5, 2010

In Honor of Cinco de Mayo

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

Don't blame me, I just did a "copy/paste" function. :-)

Monday, May 3, 2010

I can think of a couple of people this could work on...

Since I've taken on a new role with our company, part of my duties include being responsible for our 4 elevators.

Today was "State of Nebraska annual inspection day" and our elevators passed with flying colors.

After the inspector had left and I settled down at my desk to continue work, one of my employees sent me this..........................

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son...

'Go get your mother.'

I can think of a couple of people this could work on................:-)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Where have I been???

God, it has been ages since I've posted and with no better excuse than I've been "busy".

Work has been pretty busy, with losing my boss to layoffs and then getting transferred to the Corporate Headquarters.

Now spring is here and that bring with it, camping season. Campground flooded this spring, so I'm spending lots of time there doing clean-up work. I promise I'll post some pictures later.

Anyway, a friend at work sent me this jewel of wisdom, so thought I'd share it and call it good for now.

I went down to the welfare office this morning to sign up my Dog. At first the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare". But then I explained to her that my Dog is unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and has no clue who his Daddy is. Yet, he expects me to feed him, provide him with housing, food and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My Dog gets his first check Friday. Dang, is this is a great country or what?

I'll leave you with that and get to work.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Old Photo Wed # 20.....Who's Up For Chicken???

Last Sunday Pastor's Sermon talked about how he loved to go to a friend's farm when it was time to "harvest" the chickens. It got me to thinking about some old photos I found at mom's.

Anyone want some chicken????

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Welcome Baby Koesters!!!

I guess it's about time I posted pictures of Emily's baby shower. I guess I've been pretty lazy, and most of my computer time has been spent on Facebook. (That's another addiction we can talk about later, much later.)
Anyway, a week ago Melissa planned a great baby shower for our department admin, Emily Koesters, at Spaghetti Works.
Not alot of people showed up, but we had a good time. Good food, good company, good cause.

Presents, presents and more presents!!!

Emily will probably hate this picture.

Cute gift bags. What did we do before gift bags??

Here's the whole group, minus me, of course.
There always has to be one silly shot.
Now, I just can't wait to know............................
Boy or Girl????
And...............Do I win the baby pool???

Monday, January 25, 2010

Never Again........But I Think I've Said That Before!!

The weekend's coming and what to do........................

This was me this past Friday. What shall I do.

Text arrives from oldest daughter. "Want to go to the Hockey game with me?"

"Yes, Yes, Yes" I replied.

So...........after I work, I headed to Jen's. She and Tom suggested going to the "Worm" (translation: Eat The Worm. Bar in the Old Market)

So to the "Worm" we go. After one drink and 2 tacos it's time to head to the game, but after checking to see if the game was on TV. (It wasn't) and debating how badly we're gonna get beat (we didn't) we decided to skip the game and hang at "The Worm". OK, this is where the story gets ugly.

We stayed at the bar and had a few more drinks. Steve had brought Chris and it was apparently our job to give him dating advice, at least I think that's what we did.

When the evening ended I found myself unable to drive home, so up to Jen and Tom's guest room I go. (with a little help from Jen, I think)

I worke up and headed downstairs, carefully, to use the bathroom. Since my stomach couldn't decide whether or not to hurl, I didn't go back up. I just landed on the couch and that's where Tom found me the next morning.

It was almost noon before I decided I would be able to drive home by myself.

I did get home safely and spent the rest of the day sleeping.

Moral to the story. Never again, but then I've said that before.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Sunday Funnies # 17.............The Garden Snake

Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater , Texas , had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants.

When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out. About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived.

Breathe here...

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake! The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed!

Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

And THAT's when he shot her.